Wrapping up a week of exploring therapy norms versus what may be effective cross-cultural therapy, I want to touch on the last of the five "don'ts" identified by Dr. Derald Wing Sue, self-disclosure.
I have heard of a Practicum site that has a "no self-disclosure" rule. I am at a loss to understand how they enforce it since, by walking into a room, we self-disclose: skin color, gender presentation, possible social class based on what we might be wearing, ethnicity based on accent, among other tells. I think what they mean is "Don't talk about yourself."
In the analytic tradition, as I understand it, the therapist was to be a blank slate. I did Jungian Analysis for a decade and, after a year of face-to-face, I finally lay on the couch with my analyst sitting quietly behind me. I became intimately aware of the paintings next to the couch. I also did not know anything about my analyst other than his work at the Jung Institute which was public knowledge and that we had had our children close to the same age.
Many cultures value the personal connection. I am reminded of the scene in one the Matrix movies where Sereph, the guardian of the Oracle, spars with Neo, the protagonist seeking out the Oracle, saying, in apology, "You don't know someone until you fight them." Likewise, it is important for some clients to know you somewhat as a person before they can trust you to hear their stories.
As a clinician who has gone through their own gender identity journey and who often works with others doing the same, some clients want to hear specifically about my experience. Likewise, other demographics that I work with may want to hear first-hand experience. In these cases, I often do self-disclose as long as it is in service to the client.
I have another practice, though, that I use often and teach to students: "stealth disclosure." This is when I have had an experience or know of an experience in my circle that may benefit the client though does not need to be about me. This could be an interaction with my parter or children or an experience with my own depression or therapy. In these cases, I will share the experience, framing it as, "I heard a story . . ." or "Someone I know . . ." or something similar. This way, my experience can benefit the client without it centering on me.
On the whole, I probably self-disclose more than the average therapist and I talk openly to my students that they will need to find their style. I recommend that, earlier on, is likely better to self-disclose less until you get the sense of what is appropriate. I find with my clients that they appreciate knowing a little about me and that it benefits the therapeutic alliance.
Thank you for reading this week. I met with my two new sections of Cross Cultural Aspects of Psychology this week and I am excited to embark on another journey to help promote cultural competence and cultural humility with them.
First posted on LinkedIn